Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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