and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Are my feet made of real feet?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
