dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
