ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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