If that was your dad, he is hot
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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