remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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