good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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