whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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