I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
