After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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