did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
