dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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