i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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