Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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