Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
