If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
