I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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