are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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