also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
