Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Terrible idea I love it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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