I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
