In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He better not be in your backpack
Randomize
