ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
