she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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