yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
