How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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