I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
