You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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