i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
