I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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