I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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