This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think i have two assholes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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