Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
