I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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