ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
