i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
