halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
