I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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