she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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