The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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