I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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