i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
