i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
