I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
