everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
