From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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