Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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