I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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