The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
