K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
