Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
