Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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