Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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