I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
