Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
