If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
