I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this is an emotional support booty call
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
